ughhh, shitty days just continue.
i wasn't going to bring this subject up on my blog
but since i don't feel like i have anyone to talk about it
i guess it's ok if i write something on here.
well, i told this on lookbook and because most of my readers have probably found me there
i'm pretty sure you won't be surprised if i tell you i have had some problems with eating before.
and though i'm partially fine now, my weight has not reached its goal.
i just hate this gaining weight thingy!
and i don't know if i've gained any, i just feel ugly and fat anyways. and it's pathetic.
i don't even know when i started gaining and i myself don't have any goals, i just wanna feel better.
but after all this trying, i don't feel any better.
at least not with myself.. you know, the way i feel when i see myself or when i walk on the streets
among the others.
i hate it. and i felt so puzzled when i noticed today that, again, i didn't want to eat.
of course i did because i'm good at forcing myself to do things i don't like
but i don't know what to think if this continues...
i just want to be happy again.
like i was about a month ago.
and now i want to say that i'm not going to continue with this subject anymore.
i feel a bit ashamed of the whole situation and all but
auuuuugh this is so frustrating.
breaking up with my boyfriend and losing a good friend was the last drop, i'm afraid.
and both of those were my own fault.
now i just have to win again and find a way to feel good about myself.
so because i don't want my blog to contain this kind of shit
i'm going to get better, find a way to like myself again
and then continue with drunk on mimosa. :)
i want this to be a place for good things
and to accomplish that i must be good, too.
soooooo, i don't know when comes the time i'm going to write again
but the next time i will, i will be happy little mimosa.
not this whining poopoo i am now.
and next time i may be living at my parents place
since we're moving out this month.
so my life's gonna change a bit but i'm looking for that
with an open mind.
hope i'll write again, soon!
- mimosa
Dear Mimosa,
VastaaPoistaa few months ago I've been almost exactly where you are now. I have problems with eating and stuff too, I broke up with my boyfriend and I was really really down and depressed. Now I am starting to get better, and I hope you will too, soon. Being miserable just sucks, we all know that, but we have to take our time, getting better cannot be done in a few days. I really hope for you that one day you will be able to love yourself a little more, and maybe realize how pretty and adorable you are.
Good luck with everything,
Hannah
my deaaaar, thanks for your sweet and kind words :)
Poistai don't know if i actually feel any depressed. i just don't know what to think about myself right now, i know what i should think but i'm not sure i can yet. you know, to feel good about myself and let those stupit thoughts just be. it is hard. and oh what i'd give if i could just let it beeeeee!
and i don't want anyone to think that i regret leaving temtem, it was probably the best thing i've done to myself in a long long time. finally i did something to things that were bothering me. :) and for right now, things are looking good. we're friends, like we were back at the time we were together. i guess u can't just keep pretending there's something more than a friendship if there really isn't. :D
but i'll work my way back to the top, again and again if it's necessary. but being on the bottom keeps sucking so bad, and probably always will, too. >:(